Turiya, over at Spirited Meanderings, took a fun little test that tells you what kind of submissive you are. I personally love taking quizzes and fun tests like that so I thought I'd do it too. (I was bored, it is almost 6am and I was feeding baby boy and wanted something to do.) I scored differently than I thought I would but it also inspired something I'll post about later. So here are the results:
Slave
You scored 20% Humiliation, 83% Submissiveness, 71% Service, and 65% Pain!
You're the slave, you scored high in both submissiveness and service, you probably want to be owned by someone, you feel the need to relinquish your power over to someone else and to service him. You are the ideal partner for 24/7 Owner/slave relationships, whether you like or deslike pain is a matter of taste, hence with humiliation, but I would bet that the chances are you enjoy them sometimes but the most important thing is whether your Dom will enjoy doing those thigns to you.
The parts I'm surprised about is the 83% submissiveness and the 20% humiliation. Of course I identify as a submissive, but I didn't think I'd score that high. I have leadership and dominant qualities in me and rather enjoy being the lead (not in the bedroom or with Brandon at all) in some social situations. As for humilation... this is what inspired the topic(s) for my next post. However, what confused me is that I scored so low, as being humiliated is a major turn on for me, but I'll get into that more in the next post. So, submissives, if you're bored or just enjoy doing quizzes and such, go take this test and see where you end up!
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-submissive-type-test
Monday, July 5
Sunday, July 4
Friday, July 2
This is a rant about: Pregnancy and Delivery
Before I begin my rant I want to be clear that I am not against a woman choosing to go to a midwife over an OB or choosing to have a homebirth over going to the hospital. I think that if that is what you decide is best for you and your baby then you should. This is a rant about people who think that is the only way and are adimantly against any other way.
I have a friend (I use the term loosely) who just recieved her license to teach birthing classes. She is very much for natural birth and home-birthing and midwifery and all that jazz. She is also very aggressive in her promoting of such things. (I'm being nice.) I've known this girl, we'll call her X, since I was either 8 or 9 (not sure) and although we've often had a long distance friendship we've always felt close. So the other day she was telling me how she was dissappointed because she wasn't sure if she could afford a midwife during her current pregnancy and she didn't know what to do. My advice to her was to apply for some state insurance so that she could get coverage and go to an OB. In no uncertain terms did she inform me that this would be a very last resort option for her, and implied that she'd rather do a self-birth (with no help but her husband and her own self) than go to an OB and have a hospital birth. I don't know if she means to or if she even realizes this, but sometimes she can sound so god damn high and mighty! So first of all I didn't even realize that there were people who considered "self-birthing" a viable option. Personally, meaning this is my opinion, I think that to be a very stupid and unsafe thing to do. I can't believe that she would consider that over going to an OB and delivering at a hospital! When I gave birth to my son I did have an OB and I did go to the hospital and yes there was a bit of drug intervention, but the drugs were to help labor along, and in all other ways I gave birth to my son naturally with no pain medication at all. I am very proud that I was able to do that, not many do now. However, X's attitude toward hospital birthing and going to an OB made me feel like she was discounting what I did and thinking of herself more highly because she was doing things so much more naturally than I did. What, may I ask, is so bad about hospital birthing or OBs? I understand that these days there are alot more interventions and they don't allow you to go past your due date by more than a week, but there are reasons. Granted the reasons may be heavily on the side of protecting themselves from lawsuits or such, but they have that right and I wouldn't ask a doctor to do something that they thought possibly unsafe for me or the baby. So get off your high horse, X, and allow for the possibility that your way isn't for everyone and that it doesn't make you better than anyone else. For every future child that I have I will always go to an OB and will always opt to have my baby at a hospital. There may be more of a chance that there will be unnecessary intervention, but there is also less of a chance that if something goes wrong it goes terribly wrong, or less danger if something did go wrong.
Again, each person to their own, but don't ever tell me that your way (in this matter) is better, or that it makes you a better person. I am proud of the way I brought my son into this world and nothing you say can change that, I won't allow it.
I have a friend (I use the term loosely) who just recieved her license to teach birthing classes. She is very much for natural birth and home-birthing and midwifery and all that jazz. She is also very aggressive in her promoting of such things. (I'm being nice.) I've known this girl, we'll call her X, since I was either 8 or 9 (not sure) and although we've often had a long distance friendship we've always felt close. So the other day she was telling me how she was dissappointed because she wasn't sure if she could afford a midwife during her current pregnancy and she didn't know what to do. My advice to her was to apply for some state insurance so that she could get coverage and go to an OB. In no uncertain terms did she inform me that this would be a very last resort option for her, and implied that she'd rather do a self-birth (with no help but her husband and her own self) than go to an OB and have a hospital birth. I don't know if she means to or if she even realizes this, but sometimes she can sound so god damn high and mighty! So first of all I didn't even realize that there were people who considered "self-birthing" a viable option. Personally, meaning this is my opinion, I think that to be a very stupid and unsafe thing to do. I can't believe that she would consider that over going to an OB and delivering at a hospital! When I gave birth to my son I did have an OB and I did go to the hospital and yes there was a bit of drug intervention, but the drugs were to help labor along, and in all other ways I gave birth to my son naturally with no pain medication at all. I am very proud that I was able to do that, not many do now. However, X's attitude toward hospital birthing and going to an OB made me feel like she was discounting what I did and thinking of herself more highly because she was doing things so much more naturally than I did. What, may I ask, is so bad about hospital birthing or OBs? I understand that these days there are alot more interventions and they don't allow you to go past your due date by more than a week, but there are reasons. Granted the reasons may be heavily on the side of protecting themselves from lawsuits or such, but they have that right and I wouldn't ask a doctor to do something that they thought possibly unsafe for me or the baby. So get off your high horse, X, and allow for the possibility that your way isn't for everyone and that it doesn't make you better than anyone else. For every future child that I have I will always go to an OB and will always opt to have my baby at a hospital. There may be more of a chance that there will be unnecessary intervention, but there is also less of a chance that if something goes wrong it goes terribly wrong, or less danger if something did go wrong.
Again, each person to their own, but don't ever tell me that your way (in this matter) is better, or that it makes you a better person. I am proud of the way I brought my son into this world and nothing you say can change that, I won't allow it.
Thursday, July 1
When the World Feels Giant
For the past few days I have felt so small, like Alice in Wonderland when she was shrunk and everything around her was so much bigger than she. When I feel small like this I just want to curl up in Brandon's arms and stay there forever. I want his body to just engulf me and hide me away, protecting me from life. There isn't anything in particular that is making me feel this way, or if there is I don't know what it is. These times are always so contradictory because as small as I feel and as much as it makes me feel very submissive these are also the times when I must be strong because I can't just hide away for days at a time and this makes me feel very unsubmissive. Last night was the most intensely I've ever felt like this. I curled myself up into the tightest ball that I could and held my arms in front of my face to block everything out, and even though it is super hot here I even tucked the blanket around me to help me feel secure and safe. I had the strongest flash of desire to suck my thumb for comfort, but I didn't because as soon as I thought it I felt rather ridiculous.
I'm so tired of hiding this submissive side of me from my family and friends. I wish it wasn't so "taboo" that I felt I had to hide it. There are some friends who I can share some things with and be open about certain aspects. They consider themselves submissive wives, but not in the same way that I am. Like me they defer to their husbands, and perhaps even consider their body not their own but as belonging to their husbands. I can openly talk to them about needing to ask Brandon's permission first, and I can even on a small scale talk about living to please my husband because they too live to please their husbands. This is nice because I don't feel like they are judging me for these things, in fact we encourage eachother in submitting to our husbands. However, when it is still all not quite to level that Brandon and I have and that sometimes means that I must be careful how I word things when talking to them. The most frustrating is having to hide these things from my family and Brandon's family. Several months ago Brandon's family found a blog I'd been following through a blog I had been writing that they could read. I didn't realize that they could see that I was following it, but even if I had I would've thought that they probably wouldn't venture on to read it. This caused a huge uproar in which Brandon was told by his mother that the family thought it was sick that I would read this blog and said that I was demented if I wanted what it was that they read. Of course I was angry and hurt by this, and frustrated because they were butting their heads into our life telling us what was right and what was wrong by their standards. Brandon forbid me from explaining anything to them, which was probably good seeing as they most likely wouldn't have understood and I would have just gotten even more mad. What does it matter to them how we live our private life or what we do in our "bedroom"? To be honest what I really wanted to say was "F-off!" but even that would have been wrong. My frustration is that people are so unaccepting of what they don't understand. Even if they think it is wrong can't they just agree to disagree and still get along? The thing is, I'm not willing to alienate my family or friends just for the freedom to be open about what and who I am. I wish I had some real life friends that lived close with which I could talk freely about these things and we could be ourselves without fear of what they would think. Unfortunately Brandon isn't open to seeking out our local BDSM group because he doesn't want us drawn into something that isn't us. I think he is right in most respects to keep us away from that because I am one to want to blend in. If most or all of the subs we meet are collared I will want that (I have a necklace that is kind of a collar, but nothing formal or blatant), if they constantly talk of going to the club and how much fun they have, I will want that, so it is best to keep me away from things that might influence me to change who I am because I want to be like someone else. Thinking of it we really are different, I'm not sure where we'd fit in in real life, but I definitely feel I've found friends here online, or at least people that I relate to.
I'm rambling on. I think I'll stop before I no longer make sense. Thanks for reading my rant. Sometimes that is all that is needed, a nice long rant, for me to feel better.
I'm so tired of hiding this submissive side of me from my family and friends. I wish it wasn't so "taboo" that I felt I had to hide it. There are some friends who I can share some things with and be open about certain aspects. They consider themselves submissive wives, but not in the same way that I am. Like me they defer to their husbands, and perhaps even consider their body not their own but as belonging to their husbands. I can openly talk to them about needing to ask Brandon's permission first, and I can even on a small scale talk about living to please my husband because they too live to please their husbands. This is nice because I don't feel like they are judging me for these things, in fact we encourage eachother in submitting to our husbands. However, when it is still all not quite to level that Brandon and I have and that sometimes means that I must be careful how I word things when talking to them. The most frustrating is having to hide these things from my family and Brandon's family. Several months ago Brandon's family found a blog I'd been following through a blog I had been writing that they could read. I didn't realize that they could see that I was following it, but even if I had I would've thought that they probably wouldn't venture on to read it. This caused a huge uproar in which Brandon was told by his mother that the family thought it was sick that I would read this blog and said that I was demented if I wanted what it was that they read. Of course I was angry and hurt by this, and frustrated because they were butting their heads into our life telling us what was right and what was wrong by their standards. Brandon forbid me from explaining anything to them, which was probably good seeing as they most likely wouldn't have understood and I would have just gotten even more mad. What does it matter to them how we live our private life or what we do in our "bedroom"? To be honest what I really wanted to say was "F-off!" but even that would have been wrong. My frustration is that people are so unaccepting of what they don't understand. Even if they think it is wrong can't they just agree to disagree and still get along? The thing is, I'm not willing to alienate my family or friends just for the freedom to be open about what and who I am. I wish I had some real life friends that lived close with which I could talk freely about these things and we could be ourselves without fear of what they would think. Unfortunately Brandon isn't open to seeking out our local BDSM group because he doesn't want us drawn into something that isn't us. I think he is right in most respects to keep us away from that because I am one to want to blend in. If most or all of the subs we meet are collared I will want that (I have a necklace that is kind of a collar, but nothing formal or blatant), if they constantly talk of going to the club and how much fun they have, I will want that, so it is best to keep me away from things that might influence me to change who I am because I want to be like someone else. Thinking of it we really are different, I'm not sure where we'd fit in in real life, but I definitely feel I've found friends here online, or at least people that I relate to.
I'm rambling on. I think I'll stop before I no longer make sense. Thanks for reading my rant. Sometimes that is all that is needed, a nice long rant, for me to feel better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)