Bark like a dog!

In my last post I wrote that the humiliation score on the quiz I took was a little surprising. Humiliation is something that is a really big turn on for me. Of course I have my limits, but every one does and fortunately those limits match up with the things that Brandon will never consider doing so it’s a moot point. Anyway, I scored pretty low (20%) on the humiliation front and it inspired a bit of a post, as well as a question.




A lot of the questions regarding humiliation featured public humiliation. Brandon and I believe that if you do something obviously part of your kink, blatantly in front of others, you should have the third party's permition to do so otherwise you are involving them in your dynamic whether they consent or not. We also do not include anyone else in our dynamic by choice and never will. It is something special between Brandon and I and will stay that way. So, moving on, as much as I get off being humiliated, I would never consent to being humiliated publicly.



For me humiliation is very much a sexual thing. I'm not sure that taken outside of the sexual aspect that I would enjoy humiliation at all. Being ridiculed and put down generally does not do anything for me except make me angry. However, being inspected by Brandon, being ordered to bark like a dog or neigh like a horse, being told to put my ass high in the air while spreading my own ass cheeks, it all gets me quite wet and I really get off on it. As with anyone, I'm sure, humiliation is only acceptable on certain terms. I don't believe this makes me less submissive, but as humiliation play is largely psychological it is a very dangerous form of play. I guarantee that if Brandon told me every day that I was "nothing, and not deserving of his attention" as part of humiliation play I would believe that of myself and as I'm sure most will agree, that is a very unhealthy view of ones self. (In fact if Brandon ever told me that I'd believe it immediately and it would take a lot of time and reassurance before I would ever believe differently again.) For me being put down as a person is taking it beyond play and I would not be able to separate the words as fiction for the purpose of play or as reality and what Brandon really thinks of me. Humiliation play for us will always be more Brandon telling me to do humiliating things, and much much less him saying humiliating things about me.



As humiliation plays upon the psyche so much I would classify it as edge play along with knives, fire, erotic asphyxiation, etc. Personally I would even consider it more dangerous than those three things. A person's psyche is extremely fragile, one wrong word or action can damage it irreparably. When playing with humiliation those involved must be very aware of all limits and all past experiences that might be triggered during play. For example, a very hard limit for me in the humiliation department is toilet training. Because of things that happened in the not so far past it would go far beyond my limits to even just be peed on (pretty much the least intense part of toilet training) and could end up one of two ways. I would either become extremely furious and would have a hard time submitting in any way again, or I would lose all respect for myself and would probably become a doormat. Neither response is good, and absolutely demonstrates the need for some intense negotiating and talking before any kind of humiliation play takes place. On the other hand, being forbidden to use the bathroom and thus peeing myself would not shake me that much and would be something I would submit to, even find arousing (all done in the seclusion of our home with only Brandon and I present of course). Again I want to stress that humiliation play done wrong or without setting parameters can result in irreparable damage psychologically and thus such play should be taken very seriously.



Onto my question. My question is this:



Is it really humiliation if there is no one there to witness it?



Yes, Brandon tells me to do things that make me feel humiliated, but at the same time, logically thinking, Brandon is the only person there that contributes to me feeling humiliated as I am doing these things in front of him. Since he told me to do them shouldn't I not feel humiliated? For example: He tells me to bark like a dog while we are having sex doggy style, so I bark. What is humiliating about that? He told me to do it, I did it, whoop-dee- doo. Isn't the major thing of humiliation the thought that if you do this thing you think "what is so and so thinking of me"? And if he told me to do it in the first place I can be assured that he isn't thinking anything bad and won't ridicule me (for real) or be disgusted by me so why in the world would I actually feel embarrassed or humiliated? However, if he told me to bark like a dog while in the company of others for no reason, just suddenly turned to me and said "bark!" then that would truly be humiliating because even though Brandon told me to do it (therefore I'm not worried about what he will think) I wouldn't know what the others present were thinking of me thus bringing about the humiliation. So even though with just Brandon and I present I can certainly feel humiliated, is it truly humiliation if no one else is there to add that unknown factor of "what are others thinking of me?".