Failure

I'm sure many others have felt exactly the way I feel this evening.  Yesterday I was supposed to do alot of cleaning, but I also had a huge dinner to cook and a baby to take care of and it ended up that I only had time to clean the kitchen and cook dinner as my little mister was very much awake all day and only slept for 30 minutes at a time when he did sleep.  Despite having a needy baby all day I was able to cook a huge turkey dinner and the kitchen stayed somewhat clean all day.  Brandon was pretty impressed with the meal so he wasn't disappointed that I hadn't done much else. 

Today though I was supposed to make up for it but again life got in the way.  First my mom and sister were over for lunch because my mom wanted to tell us that she's getting married again.  Pretty big news!  After my sister left my mom stayed and we talked for a good 2 hours which was nice.  I've felt pretty disconnected from her lately and it was good to spend some time together talking and reconnecting. 

After she left Brandon and I had to make a trip to walmart for baby wipes.  Our precious boy has been doing the cat nap thing again today and we were hoping he'd fall asleep during the trip and then sleep for a couple hours.  He did sleep while we were at the store, but as soon as we got home he woke back up and wouldn't sleep again.  Anyway, he has been taking up a huge part of my day.

Later my sister called to talk to me about her concerns for my mom and this getting married thing so we talked for a while, and then my mom and I talked again a bit later.  By the end of all this it was well after 7pm and I hadn't gotten any of my chores done.  I'm supposed to go see the movie Salt with my sister tomorrow but Brandon said I couldn't go if the chores weren't done.  So, I put my baby down and started cleaning, and crying, and the baby was crying and... yeah.  Brandon came out and asked what was wrong and I was just so overwhelmed with everything, but I told him "I just can't do it all" as I'm sobbing into his chest.  At first I was crying because I was just so overwhelmed, but then he had me lay down and told me not to worry, that he would clean the kitchen later.  This made me cry even more because with those words I felt like I had failed him.  I was supposed to be able to what he'd asked me to do, but I hadn't and I felt that somehow that was my fault even though both days life had just gotten in the way.

Well, just now as I started writing this Brandon asked what I was writing about, so I told him.  He said that he understood why it hadn't gotten done today.  He told me that I'd had to deal with alot of family issues today and that family was more important than getting chores done that could easily be put off one more day.  He assured me I hadn't failed him.

I feel better now but I still want to show him that I didn't purposely put off cleaning and that I care about keeping the house looking nice for him.  Tomorrow, before and after the movie (since we're seeing a morning showing) I'll be sure to prioritize those chores and do them 110%.

Brandon is just such a great husband.  He knows when to push me and when to let things slide.  He knows how to make me feel better after an emotionally stressful day and how to remind me that even though he's letting the chores go he still is in control.  I love him so much and I'm so glad that he is so perfect for me.