On "Slave"

In my last post I wrote that I didn't identify as a slave, and went on to define it as such:

Slave- a person who does not think of themselves but only exists to serve another.  Their only function is to serve and please their master.

I know many people identify as slave and yet would not say the above about themselves.  So I'm writing this post to 1) gather my own thoughts on the word, and 2) find the difference that I perceived between being a submissive and being a slave.

First for the dictionary definitions:

slave (slāv)

n.
1. One bound in servitude as the property of a person or household.
2. One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence: "I was still the slave of education and prejudice" (Edward Gibbon).

Now, of course, since the title of submissive is not a form of that word recognized by the dictionary I looked up the word submit and will use that definition to define submissive.

Submissive
n.
1. One who gives over or yeilds to the power or authority of another.

In the definition of slave we have another word that I wanted to define: subservient.

subservient  
adj.
1. serving or acting in a subordinate capacity; subordinate.
2. servile; excessively submissive; obsequious: subservient persons; subservient conduct.

And one more definition. (I promise this is the last one, but I want to put all these definitions up here because it helps get to the bottom of why I don't use and don't like the word slave when describing myself.)

subordinate 
–adjective
1. placed in or belonging to a lower order or rank.
2. of less importance; secondary.
3. subject to or under the authority of a superior.
4. subservient or inferior.

So after all of this what I've come to understand as the definition for slave is that a slave is someone who has become another's property and is inferior than that person who's property they have become.  Now, I know that in this world of BDSM (and I'm using that word to cover all different forms that are indicated therein) the title of slave is defined in so many different ways and that some who identify as slave would not use the above definition.  But this is why I don't use this word.  Saying that I submit or that I am a submissive seems so much more clear to me.  If one were to look up the word submit and apply it to a human being there is only one way to define it.

So the reason I don't use the word slave when speaking of myself is because I don't want anyone to think that I see myself as inferior to Brandon, or that he sees me as his property.  For sure I belong to him and my body is his, but he would never say that I am his property and I would never agree to become that to him.

I do think that yesterday was that point where I realized that I was slowly becoming his slave (in the above sense of the word) and I realized that I did not want that.  Brandon was not necessarily seeing me as his slave, but we both were forgetting that although I submit to his authority and his command, I am still his wife.

Sir J of A Dominant Character blog did a wonderful job of explaining how two partners, the dominant and the submissive, are still two equals in the relationship in his post A Relationship of Equals.

(In some ways I feel like I'm repeating myself and should just stop typing at this point, but I also feel like I'm not being as clear as I want to be.)  So, just one last time, a slave is someone who is not equal to his/her master, a submissive is someone who is equal (in value) to his/her dominant.

Perhaps this is why people get so tripped up over the title of slave.  While it means one thing, I can look at the relationship of two people who identify as Master and slave and see that they are still indeed equals and thus the definition of slave doesn't apply.  It is all very confusing (another reason why I don't use the title of slave) and I had to come to my own conclusion regarding using the word.

One last thing, I think that part of the reason some choose to redefine the title of slave is because the title of submissive does not necessarily show the level at which they submit.  I think everyone can agree that when thinking of a slave you see someone who is wholly and completely, in every way, submissive to another, where as just saying that I submit to someone may not mean that I submit EVERYTHING to that person.  So, to be clear...

I wholly submit everything to Brandon and as a submissive my goal is to serve and please him in everything I do (not just in the bedroom, or just in my actions, or etc etc).

I hope this made sense and I hope anyone who reads this and identifies as a slave is not offended and recognizes that I realize you may have a different definition of the word, or even that if you don't I am not judging you, it is simply not a level to which I am willing to go.

PS I have not yet figured out how to link to something whithout just putting the address so to find Sir J's post which I talked about just find his blog (A Dominant Character) under the list of blogs that I read and go back a few posts to find the one I mentioned, posted on June 21st 2010 (A Relationship of Equals).