Wow, being a mom is hard work! I frequently find myself begging God to make my baby sleep, or stop crying at 2 or 3am. Today, out of desperation, I decided to make a schedule that would help me take the needed time during the day to rest as well as get my chores done and keep the house somewhat clean. As today I started halfway through the schedule tomorrow will be the real test. Although I did put times down for each thing to be done, including feeding baby (I think I need a name to call him here) I do realize that those specific times may not always work out with what baby needs or wants. Mostly it is a guideline so that I can look at it and see that after each feeding during the day I can relax, or I need to clean, or do my bible study, etc. I think it will work to help me feel more in control of my life and not so much like it is spiraling out of control. I'll keep you all updated on this and let you know what does work and what doesn't.
On to the next topic in the title... asking for control. I don't mean asking to take control of myself and our life, but asking Brandon to take back control. After we came home from the hospital with our little baby boy our life changed so much! The past 4 weeks have been full of trial and error, changing our habits, and lots of just trying to figure things out. Lately I've felt like a total wreck. I feel weepy alot of the time, and just over all like a complete failure at life in general. I think part of the reason is that I don't feel like I have control over anything, but I also don't feel like Brandon has taken control either. It used to be that when he left for work he would tell me what I should do that day and that always set my goals for me and made me feel like I had accomplished something that was important to him. He has stopped doing that, I think because he sees how overwhelmed I am and doesn't want to add any stress to my day if I feel like I can't get it done. However, I really miss the instructions, the small amount of control that he exerts when he gives me my instructions for the day. I haven't talked to him about this yet. I really just started feeling this way a few days ago, but he was sick and I hadn't totally figured it out yet so I haven't said anything. Today he did kind of fall back into that routine, but not totally. Instead of actually telling me what to do he just said, "You should think about cleaning the kitchen if you get the chance today." Thinking about doing something and actually doing it are two totally different things. I know he was hinting that he'd really like it done, but he also added after that he didn't expect it to be all the way done, just somewhat clean. I wish he'd just told me to do it and not allowed room for me to choose not to do it. I did clean it, all the way, but I'd feel a greater sense of accomplishment if I knew I'd done it because he told me to and wouldn't accept any excuses. So, tonight I think I'll tell him that I'm ready for his expectations to start coming back, slowly of course as I figure out the best ways to get things done while still taking care of myself, but I feel confidant that this is something I really need, especially now.
As for being punished... well I defied a direct order and now my toys have been taken away. Let me start by saying that not being able to have sex makes me want it all the more. Plus I'm also a horny little girl and pretty much always want to have sex, but not being able to makes the need all the more intense. Anyway, Most of the uncomfortableness in that region has gone away and so I've been able to start playing with my vibrator to help ease all the hornyness, don't worry, Brandon is taken care of too. Anyway, I had left it out and on our bedroom floor. Brandon told me to put it away several times in one day and at the end of the day he informed me that since I had disobeyed him and not done as he asked then he had taken it away and I had to earn it back. This was 3 days ago and he still hasn't told me what I need to do to earn it back. It is killing me! So, I'm being punished, and it sucks!
It looks like baby boy is waking up so I better go heat him up a bottle before he gets too cranky! I'll try to update on the schedule thing again soon. I think that part of me asking Brandon to take back control will be showing him my schedule and asking him to help me keep to it by going over it with me each day when he gets home from work or in the evening before bed.
7 comments:
I know how exhausting taking care of a baby is. But you'll be surprised how fast it is that the baby is going off to school. Try to survive one day at a time.
And let Brandon know you want him to take control again. He probably sees an exhausted young mother and is hesitate but he needs to know you still want his control. Good luck in working it all out. And try to get some sleep.
FD
FD, I talked to Brandon about control last night and today he laid out my day for me. It feels so good to be back under his control again.
Firstly, let me just say everything you're feeling... the out of control, weepy, I'm a failure type feelings, are perfectly normal when you bring your first baby home. We all experience it... so don't let it bring you down too much (easier said than done, I know). Sometimes knowing you're not along in that helps, though.
It can take at least a few months or more for your baby to work out a routine... I've got some info on how to set a routine for your baby that might help if you want it... just email me (hisspirited1@gmail.com) and I'll be glad to fill you in on it. It's something I got from a book, but I can't remember the name of the book or author at the moment. I'll try and find it for you, though... it saved my life... literally kept me from going insane.
I'll give you a tip on schedules, though... forget about it when you have a baby. If you try to keep to a time schedule you'll end up just frustrating yourself further. Routines are good... schedules... not so good.
*hugs*
turiya
I guess the schedule is really more of a guidline... for example: baby normally wakes up between 6 and 8 for his first morning feeding, then he won't eat again for another 3-4 hours, so the "schedule" lays out what I should do during that time. This way everything is spread out and I'm not trying to cram everything in one 3 hour period because my time got away from me.
Yeah, that's basically what I did. I've known people who've had strict schedules, though, and would wake their baby for a feeding even if he'd only been asleep 15 minutes just because it was time for his feeding. Then they couldn't figure out why their baby cried all the time and wouldn't eat properly. I guess when I hear the word schedule, I think more along the lines of doing something exactly at this time... where I see a routine being more like what you're doing... having a specific order that you do things and arranging a time period that you'd like to accomplish it.
Here's the link to the book I was telling you about on Amazon if you want to check it out:
http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Whisperer-Solves-Your-Problems/dp/0743488946/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276822840&sr=1-2
*hugs*
turiya
Wow, strict schedules like that just seem over the top. Plus I'm not sure that would ever work for me. This method is really working out great for me so far. Thanks for the tip on the book, I'll have to check it out! I'm like a glutton for information 'cause I have no idea what I'm doing! lol.
Yeah, I was the same way when I first brought our daughter home. It was a bit scary and maddening at first... that's why I tend to offer a lot of advice to new moms. I know how crazy it can be until you get in the swing of things... and even then it's still a bit crazy at times.
*hugs*
turiya
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