I've recently read of a few different people who do not have any kind of safe word in their M/s or D/s relationship. The idea of no safe word terrifies me. As I really think it should anyone. I do understand the idea behind it, total trust and giving over of all control to your Master, but at the same time don't we need to realize that as humans we all make mistakes, even our Master and in this lifestyle that mistake could possible mean serious injury or even death. Safe words exist for a reason, to keep a sub/slave safe from a possibly damaging mistake or choice that her Master might make. In my mind lack of a safe word= non-consensual because the sub/slave is forced to consent, there is no way out, ever. I'm all for total trust and completely giving over control, but if my Master is going to do something stupid (such as lock me in a closet, room, cage while he is gone for any amount of time) I am definitely going to put a stop to it. However, having a safe word doesn't mean that I can or will use it to get out of doing something that I simply don't want to do because it pushes me into an area that makes me nervous or uncomfortable.
It is my belief that it is not only for the safety of the sub/slave to have a safeword but also for the safety of the Master. For example a Master is whiping his slave, if he isn't paying close enough attention he could very well hurt her badly. A slave with no safeword would have no way to put an end to something like that, whereas a slave with a safeword can call it out and explain to her Master why she used it and lesson learned, he won't be as severe or go as long, whatever, next time and there will be no need for the safeword. I also believe that the Master should take it upon himself to enforce the existance and use of a safeword. Not only is he taking responsibility for the fact that he is human and will make mistakes, but it will also be a comfort to his slave that he cares enough to admit his weaknesses thus allowing her to trust him even more. I have a safeword, but I've never used it and I won't unless either my body or my psyche is being hurt beyond what is safe.
4 comments:
I completely agree. We don't have a safeword, but I also don't ask him to stop unless I absolutely need him to stop. If it gets to be too much for me I'll say things like "wait" or "hold on". Sometimes he'll back off, but most of the times he figures it's just a natural reaction.
But if I say "stop", he will stop and ask me what is wrong. So I suppose in a way "stop" is our safeword... just a bit of an unconventional one. He just knows that I don't say stop lightly.
*hugs*
turiya
The important thing is that you have a way of stopping things when or if they go too far. I'd never be able to use the word stop because I use it all the time, even when I don't mean it, but it sounds like for you stop really means stop.
It scares me when I hear of people in a relationship where safety is not the number one priority.
Yes, true... and to be honest I've only once had to stop things that way. He can usually tell by how I'm reacting when I've reached my limits or if something is wrong.
And I've heard of people in relationships like that too... the whole I'm just a slave so I don't matter attitude. It really gets to me too. I even asked a girl once... well what if he goes too far and ends up killing you. Her response was... well if he wants to kill me that's his choice. I'm just a slave. I really felt like slapping her, but I doubt she would have noticed.
*hugs*
turiya
My heart goes out to girls like that. My feeling is that they've been brainwashed. It seems near impossible to reach through to a brainwashed person because they no longer think rationally or for themselves. They can't even comprehend the fact that their "leader" might be even just the tiniest bit faulty. It's so sad.
Post a Comment