Here it is...

Okay, a part of this post might bristle some hairs, or even make some people angry so let me start by saying that although my beliefs are very close to my heart and I take them very seriously I understand that not everyone believes as I do and I do not judge others for how they live according to what I believe.  I hope that makes sense.

I've decided to just blurt out what I felt I couldn't say before here.  For a few years I've struggled and joked about the possibility of having a threesome with Brandon (adding another girl) and we've joked and casually talked about some bi fantasies and desires, but we've never really looked into it seriously.  He's asked me if I'd had anyone specific in mind and would she be interested, and I told him yes, but we never got to the point of actually going through with it.  Eventually I decided that it was all really just a fantasy and I didn't really want to be with a woman sexually and definitely didn't want to do a threesome.  So I came to the conclusion that I'm not really bisexual.

Now, (here's the part that may make some people bristle) any kind of homosexual or bisexual act goes against some very strong beliefs of mine.  In my eyes it goes against nature.  (please remember that I don't judge others for their decisions in this area!)  So when I discovered another desire that I didn't expect I thought it might be this bi thing coming back up, which worried me because I thought I had dealt with that already.  This new discovery was the desire to dominate a woman.  It all really freaked me out because like I'd said I thought I'd already dealt with those bisexual thoughts, and to dominate a woman goes against my very submissive nature.

After giving these two things some serious thought I came to the conclusion that I still am not bisexual, and the way in which I want to dominate a woman is very non-sexual.  I am not sure if this whole Domme thing is again just fantasy or something I'd really truly like to do someday, but I can tell you that if I do try it out my desire is definitely only to dominate a woman and never a man.  Or maybe it is a phase triggered by something else (which I will post about soon).  Regardless I have decided that this is going on the back shelf for now.  I'm aware of it being there, and maybe someday, with Brandon's permission, I will explore this if the desire is still there and the opportunity presents itself, but for now its going into storage.

Also, I'm still very much submissive to Brandon and that will never change.  At heart I am a submissive, and this Domme thing would just be a game, nothing more.  I don't know if this makes me a switch in some way, but I don't think so, at least not in the way that I think of the concept of switching.

So there you have it.  This is what I was fighting so hard.