Before I begin my rant I want to be clear that I am not against a woman choosing to go to a midwife over an OB or choosing to have a homebirth over going to the hospital. I think that if that is what you decide is best for you and your baby then you should. This is a rant about people who think that is the only way and are adimantly against any other way.
I have a friend (I use the term loosely) who just recieved her license to teach birthing classes. She is very much for natural birth and home-birthing and midwifery and all that jazz. She is also very aggressive in her promoting of such things. (I'm being nice.) I've known this girl, we'll call her X, since I was either 8 or 9 (not sure) and although we've often had a long distance friendship we've always felt close. So the other day she was telling me how she was dissappointed because she wasn't sure if she could afford a midwife during her current pregnancy and she didn't know what to do. My advice to her was to apply for some state insurance so that she could get coverage and go to an OB. In no uncertain terms did she inform me that this would be a very last resort option for her, and implied that she'd rather do a self-birth (with no help but her husband and her own self) than go to an OB and have a hospital birth. I don't know if she means to or if she even realizes this, but sometimes she can sound so god damn high and mighty! So first of all I didn't even realize that there were people who considered "self-birthing" a viable option. Personally, meaning this is my opinion, I think that to be a very stupid and unsafe thing to do. I can't believe that she would consider that over going to an OB and delivering at a hospital! When I gave birth to my son I did have an OB and I did go to the hospital and yes there was a bit of drug intervention, but the drugs were to help labor along, and in all other ways I gave birth to my son naturally with no pain medication at all. I am very proud that I was able to do that, not many do now. However, X's attitude toward hospital birthing and going to an OB made me feel like she was discounting what I did and thinking of herself more highly because she was doing things so much more naturally than I did. What, may I ask, is so bad about hospital birthing or OBs? I understand that these days there are alot more interventions and they don't allow you to go past your due date by more than a week, but there are reasons. Granted the reasons may be heavily on the side of protecting themselves from lawsuits or such, but they have that right and I wouldn't ask a doctor to do something that they thought possibly unsafe for me or the baby. So get off your high horse, X, and allow for the possibility that your way isn't for everyone and that it doesn't make you better than anyone else. For every future child that I have I will always go to an OB and will always opt to have my baby at a hospital. There may be more of a chance that there will be unnecessary intervention, but there is also less of a chance that if something goes wrong it goes terribly wrong, or less danger if something did go wrong.
Again, each person to their own, but don't ever tell me that your way (in this matter) is better, or that it makes you a better person. I am proud of the way I brought my son into this world and nothing you say can change that, I won't allow it.
4 comments:
On the one hand, I sorta felt the same as your friend at one time. I don't look down on people who choose to give birth in a hospital, I just worry that some doctors treat pregnancy as an illness rather than the miracle it is. Sometimes (not all the time) there tends to be unnecessary intervention that can cause problems where there were none... that bothers me a lot. In Australia things are a bit different. You are generally taken care of by midwives throughout your pregnancy and labor as long as you are considered low risk. An OB only becomes involved if problems arise or you choose to have a private OB oversee things.
On the other hand, though, I don't agree with self-birthing. I mean, if there's a problem with labor how can someone with no experience possibly catch it in time to do something about it. You could end up in a fatal situation.
I don't have a problem with home birthing with an experienced midwife as long as you've had a healthy pregnancy and everything is going well (and being close to a hospital is also a good idea in case problems arise)... I don't think that it's a good idea for high risk pregnancies, though. I actually considered home birth, but as it turns out I was lucky to be in a hospital because my labor stopped and I had to have an emergency c-section cause my daughter's heart rate had dropped to about 40 bpm. If we weren't at the hospital (which was a 25 min drive from us at the time) she and I probably both would have died. As it was I felt like I was dying, so I was very thankful to be in a hospital.
The way I see it... giving birth is a very personal thing and everyone should have the ability to give birth in the environment and way that is most comfortable for them. If you were comfortable giving birth in a hospital with an OB, then that's perfectly fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. And I agree... you shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad about your choice. You did what you felt was the best option for you and your son... and he's here and healthy, so no one can say you did the wrong thing. Well they can say it, but they wouldn't be right.
*hugs*
turiya
Thanks Turiya, although I lean more towards hospital birth and OB's I too considered home birth with a midwife. It became not an option because we couldn't afford it, but I'm glad we went the route we did. Like I said, albeit somewhat angrily, each person should make their own choice based on what feels right to them. Child birth is a miracle and luckily my doctors never treated it as a sickness so perhaps I have blinders on and have a hard time seeing what can go wrong when a doctor does treat it as less than a miracle.
I suppose that mostly I am frustrated because X has done this kind of thing our entire friendship, always getting high and mighty when she thinks she is more right than me and I'm sick of it. She is a wonderful person in all other ways, but unimaginably stubborn and self important.
We didn't do the home birth for exactly the same reason, and there would have been no warning about the issue I had. Other than a lot of anxiety and stuff, I had a really healthy pregnancy. No problems at all. It wasn't until I went into labor that the problems started, so I'm sooooooo glad we were in a hospital.
Your friend sounds a lot like my sister. I suppose the only thing we can do is shrug it off, knowing that their actions and words are either based in fear or ignorance or both... and there's very little we can do about it. Easier said than done, I know, but there's no point in letting her words hurt you when you are doing nothing wrong... just differently than she would.
*hugs*
turiya
Oh and just something you may want to try... next time she does something like that just boldly tell her you feel you've made the right decision for you and your family (depending on the situation) and that you stand by your decision. You're sorry she doesn't agree, but you have to do what you feel is right. I can guarantee if you stand up to her in that way... not doing it in a mean way or with anger, but just a matter-of-fact kinda tone. Firm in your belief of your decision... she'll back down.
*hugs*
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